Tues. Jan. 17, 2011
Awoke in a Hampton Inn in Memphis, TN, after 10 hours of refreshing sleep. I am surprised at how HAPPY I am. I find that I’m still afraid to write words that my ex might read and find hurtful.
But it’s true–I feel free, released, joyous, exuberant! I never believed that my ex would: 1) leave me because of her overwhelming sense of loyalty and Catholic guilt, or 2) let me go — she can be very controlling. And somehow, through a set of miraculous circumstances, both things happened!
I’m free!! I’ve been released from the prison of Citadel Dr!! Before I left my street, I was flooded with happiness and excitement. By the time I left the city, I was screaming in my car with celebration. I am now on the greatest journey of my life and I truly did not know if I could do it. I feared that I would get halfway, somewhere in bumfuck Oklahoma, and suddenly bail, lose my nerve, turn tail and run back home. But now that I’m on the road- – after years of taking care of my ex, the relationship, the house, and her business — moving 3000 miles across the United States feels like a piece of cake!
The further away I get, the more perspective I gain; the clearer it becomes that that life was over long ago, and we’ve been like the walking dead going through the motions to prop up the facade. It’s so over. I was so unhappy, having to succumb to my ex’s demands. And I’m never going back to live in that house, or that state, not now that I have escaped.
I still have life to live. And I am now free to do whatever I want with it. I’m going to the city it has been my biggest dream to live in. And I have enough money and support to do it. I feel reborn – finally, I will live the life I want, a life worth living. For the rest of my short life.
Yesterday I was in four states: GA, AL, MS, TN. Who knows what today might hold!
Hotel Review: Hampton Inn in Memphis
Hard to find, but ended up being right next to my next Interstate ramp – handy! No fitness center, fridge, or microwave. Good bed, decent pillows, nice crisp linens. Quiet. Really, I was so tired that this was all I needed. Terrific free breakfast, tended by a woman who clearly took pride in her breakfast spread. Registrar clerk was warm and friendly.